| caterine vauban |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|12:21 am] |
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Sometimes I just hate everyone... Everyone. Hate. |
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| Thank GOD for green |
[Sep. 8th, 2009|12:28 pm] |
| [ | From~ |
| | The Establishment | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | Tunes~ |
| | Pandora Radio: Andrew Bird | ] |
I can't stop thinking of CURLS. I don't believe that I have ever in my life been so focused on my hair. I don't want to dye it, not even a little. I don't want to straighten it, I don't want to do anything to it but treat it so nice so that it grown long and full of lively curls as soon as possible. I've been taking vitamins and extra vitamin E to help the curls out. I'm even getting the ends trimmed so that they can be more full bodied and silkier (since I'm not sure what this weather is going to do to them). I'm almost sad when I look in the mirror only to find a tiny cranium struggling to stand out in this straight world. When I see pictures of myself it just doesn't look like me... there is a seriously huge part of my personality (and life) missing from the top of my head. My hair is growing fast though. Thank goodness.
I'm PMSing and it's out of control.... Thank God I've got drugs to keep this shit under control. |
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| It's hot |
[Sep. 3rd, 2009|01:05 am] |
Lots of changes happening in the ol' life.
Moving, again. To where you might ask, hopefully The Establishment. One can only hope though. I feel pretty confident about my vote but I don't want to rely on it so I'm still looking for other places. I've got someone coming to my place tomorrow to take a look at my house so that they might take over my lease. Thank goodness! It will be nice to get the security deposit back on that one. I foresee a new security deposit, paying some bills that have seriously lapsed and the insurance I need to maintain my massage practice! Hurray!
Alaska was breath taking... no words can describe it's beauty. I can't wait to go back. I got to see whales, moose, bears, bald eagles and an expansive abundance of wildlife. The mountains were to die for, not to mention the snow. Traveling around the state was as good as it gets really. Kayaking in Homer, the boat tour in Seward then back North to Willow to see the fam and relax for a little bit. Interesting to see the place where bO grew up (although he says he didn't grow up there). I did get to see as much of his old, youthful past as I was hoping for (apparently I was in the wrong shed). I did get a few pictures, some interesting stories from his Mother... It was over all the perfect trip. My boyfriend is amazing. I'm truly blessed.
I got a new job at The UPS Store, fun! I LOVE shipping! Of course, this place isn't anything like Mailboxes (RIP) but it's pretty cool. They have fun bonuses and treats, over time pay and staff events. Good enough for me, I'm happy to have a steady income. Good thing I'm not at Enchante anymore because apparently they are doing very bad as well as far as business goes. It seems I'm making more money now with UPS than I would be there. Double score! Got out just in the nick of time... what does that saying actually mean? Where does it come from? Who's Nick and why is he so special?
I spoke to my brother the other day. Truth be told he called out of desperation and not because he actually wanted to talk to me. Lame. But better than nothing and it's nice to know that he knows to call me if he's in need of anything. He was fired from his crummy job at the video game store in the mall after 3 years. And why? Stealing games. Oh that brother of mine... Maybe now that he's out of a job I might be able to get him out here for a visit. First I need some money though!
I miss my sisters a lot and I can't even call them because I don't have their number and Mom and I are not speaking either which complicates things. Whatever, I don't want to talk to her, she doesn't deserve the privilege as far as I'm concerned.
Been working hard trying to get the money and living situation in order in this bizarre, dry, Californian heat! It's so dry! The heat has NEVER been a bother to me but it's so damn dry! It's like a desert! Hahaha! My skin feels taught and thick, I feel like I can't sweat... It's a new and strange feeling. I don't know how I feel about it really because there's no real way to cool off around here. I've been going to the beach with friends but the water is so cold it's almost, ALMOST not worth it. The sun is nice though. I'm getting that sweet Cali tan... I think. |
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| Smudged glasses.... |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|12:49 am] |
Life is good. Money is tight but I've got an amazing support.
Alaska was to die for, I can't wait to go back.
Life is suffacatingly amazing and getting better every day. |
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| When life gives you lemons. |
[Aug. 4th, 2009|12:57 am] |
I was fired from my job today. I've never been fired before. It's ok... actually it's kind of wonderful considering what a terrible old troll my "boss" was and how everyday at that wretched place was more emotionally and psychologically damaging than it was worth.
I don't even want to get into the details because it's not even worth my time to relive that event.
Sure things will be really tough the next month but it's ok. It always works out, and for the better.
I'm leaving tomorrow for Alaska!!! HURRAY! This is going to be one of the funnest, if not the, adventures of my life thus far. Oh boy... I can't even describe in words my enthusiasm- I would sing but you can't hear me.
Have I mentioned I got new glasses? I'm significantly more blind in my right eye than my left eye. My new glasses are hot too... they have black and white stripes on them mmhmmm.
Ok bed time. |
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| The Noble Beast |
[Jul. 23rd, 2009|11:50 pm] |
| [ | From~ |
| | work | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Tunes~ |
| | Andrew Bird- Noble Beast | ] |
I've been really tight on the budget since the girls left town after wringing me out financially (my own fault by the way, and a deliberate choice) not to mention the weeks vacation to Alaska ahead (see cut) but I couldn't contain myself any longer.
I folded.
I spent money.
I bought Andrew Bird's most recent album (came out in January) Noble Beast.
I've been holding off for some time but decided today was the day, I could not say no. And it's delicious desert to my ears. Oh joy.
I decided that since I've not updated in what seems like centuries I would do so saving space behind cuts. Feel free to be selective... I probaby am.
( Restorative Massage of San Luis Obispo )
( Sisters in SLO )
( Snake and Spider stew )
( misc. )
I have something bothering my eye ball. I'm going to go get it out. |
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| I can't sleep.... |
[Jul. 20th, 2009|02:43 am] |
.... funny this is the only time I seem to be able to find for you old friend. Be happy though, I'm terribly busy and think of you often. |
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| Quick, GO! |
[Jun. 25th, 2009|07:39 pm] |
My sisters are coming to SLO town.
Holly uncontrollable excitement Batman.
I'm going to sell my violin, it's offical.
I'm so close to getting my own business started and leaving the crazy drama of Enchante.
I love my kitty.
I love my boyfriend.
I'm so broke....
I might start singing for a rock band.
Haven't been mnt biking so much, but I'm building my own mnt bike! Three cheers for a bike that fits!
As usual, life is FANTASTIC!
*love* |
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| Tula |
[Jun. 4th, 2009|11:23 am] |
I went to yoga this morning, first time I've been to a class sine I first arrived here in SLO. Wow am I seriously tight, out of shape and lost most of my balance. Good thing I'll be going regularly now.
I got a kitty. Her name is Tula, I like her a lot (don't tell my land lord).
Life is STILL good. Wow.
Haven't been speaking to people back in SRQ very much which kinda stinks. I have been talking to Bob though, I'm over hating him and looking forward to him visiting SLO. Crystal and I don't talk as much anymore, she hates it so much there and I love it so much here that we don't have much to talk about because she's mostly complaining and anything I talk about it bragging. She really needs to just get here now. Been talking to Melanie too, trying to get her to take the train down from Seattle for a visit as well.
Work's been nice and busy.
Bike festival this weekend in Santa Barbara- I'm going with Carol, she'll be racing.
I won a bike outfit from the Bike Fashion Show raffle last weekend! SWEET! Jersey T, detachable long selves (which was why I chose that one)and a pair of padded shorts. So nice. I also got a few Chain Reaction shirts (myself and sister), a calendar, and a handful of bike buttons.
Been thinking of taking a little boyfriend break, not separation, just a little Snake time. We talked about it a little... he's so amazing. Sometimes I think I know how he'll react to something, or know what he likes, or just anything and he utterly surprises me in the most admirable way. Ah love...
It's summer time for Sisters now... though I've tried calling more times than I can count on 2 hands contact is limited and I'm still hoping they might be able to make it to SLO for a visit. I won't be able to afford flying them out here and I miss them so much I'm physically anxious. I'm going to e-mail grandparents and see if they can muster up some plane ticket money to help.
Flash mob last week, pretty awesome and a great first run. No word on whether or not there will be another one tonight but I'm going on hop on this and see if we can get a regular thing going. After next week I'm going to have Thursday evenings off for just this event (and farmers); it will be really nice to have a night off too. After this month I may be able to take 2 days off as well! Wow, toodly doo.
Nude beach time... Spread love today if you can. |
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| Ah, the SLO life... |
[May. 19th, 2009|05:52 pm] |
| [ | From~ |
| | work | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Tunes~ |
| | Bob Marley in the lounge | ] |
Life is good,
Life is grand.
Things are finally settling in the new house. Been very busy at work and will start a day job in a bead shop tomorrow. Still looking for a cat. Still dating bO. Still very very very happy.
Adam, Bob and Roth will be visiting SLO this summer/winter. Now I just need to get Crystal out here.
Going to Alaska this summer! What an adventure that will be.
Karaokee tonight- sing your heart out baby! |
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| heart of lead |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|11:58 am] |
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there is something very heavy on my chest. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2009|04:28 am] |
Nothing like not being able to sleep @ $30 am! |
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| Happy happy happy! |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|12:30 am] |
Oh! I can't even describe how AMAZINGLY FABULOUS the past few days have been for me!
It's as if everything I wanted to happen did. It's as if life is as mailable in my hands as a bit of clay; joy with each flick of a wrist and smiles around every corner.
I couldn't ask for more, I am truly blessed. |
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| Blue blonde |
[Mar. 4th, 2009|11:09 am] |
| [ | From~ |
| | temp home | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | Tunes~ |
| | Joanna Newsome | ] |
If I were a sexy, dancing dollar bill instead of a sexy, dancing woman..... |
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| The courtly lady and the independant woman. |
[Mar. 3rd, 2009|06:24 pm] |
| [ | From~ |
| | work | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| | curious | ] |
| [ | Tunes~ |
| | something' playing in the lounge that I'm liking | ] |
Coming to understand that there are no real answers in life, just assumptions and realizations I don't expect that I will ever find the real solution to the (for lack of a better work) problem that I have. Is it a problem though? Define problem... is it hindering me, interupting my ability to be happy/find love/understanding in life? Causing me distress and/or pain? Well when you put it that way....
Red- the independant woman; constantly striving to prove her point, to make her mark, to set a higher standard and to improve the lives and world around her. Outgoing, outspoken, educated, a mover and a shaker, well known, envied, sought out. This woman is the cat's meow so to speak; she attracts attention from every one she meets even if only with her presence. She sucks in the air around her, she brings new life to the room upon arival and shes always laughing. In her pocket is a good joke and a shot of whatever you need to cheer you up. She'll make you feel good with her whit and charm but is unatainable and no matter who you are, out of your leauge.
Blue- the courtly lady; happy with simplicity, finds pleasure in the the back row, her higher standard is in her home, with her family and herself, almost reclusive but comfortable anywhere, effortless. A thinker and a discusser, recognized but not exactly known, humble, polite, not envoking envy so much as curiosity, attracts attention to those who pay attention to detail. She gives to the air around her, she lightens the life already in a room; she's always smiling. In her pocket is the softness of empathy and solid advice. She makes you feel good by listening and mothering; she is not out of anyone's leauge, she's just right for everyone, for you.
Red walks into a room like a hurricane, Blue follows and cleans up the mess.
Purple isn't exactly my cup of tea.
Caging the beast... freeing the bird... Is there such a person who has the ability? Would she be able to recognize him/her as he/she entered the room? Will the lighting change, will there be a harp suddenly playing in the back ground, will her heart skip a beat?
Of course not, it will be perfectly normal just like anything else. You will have a cup of coffee, you will get your period, you will wish you had gotten more sleep.
You will still be Red, the independant woman. You will still be Blue the courtly lady.
The Guillemots said it best:
"It's not raining cats, it's not raining dogs
And pigs are not flying, or turning the cogs
The sun has no hat on, whenever it shines
And I've never seen a cat with nine lives
I'm not in a film, I'm not in a play
I saw no aliens today
I just saw you, and thought of me" |
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| Peaches and Strawberries |
[Feb. 28th, 2009|08:45 am] |
Oh wow, what a lovely day!
Went for a run this morning and attempted to rouse Adam for some yoga but of course it proved futile. I ran back to the grocery and bought some berries and peaches for oatmeal (eating now) which is amazingly delicious! It's going to be a great day! There's lots to do but it will all get done.
Went to sign my lease yesterday... HURRAY! My very own place, no one else, all me, only me, JUST ME, all MINE.
My things
My smells
My mess
My life
I know exactly what's going on, how, when and why. I know exactly why what's where and how's what and who's not there. Ah, I'm so excited. No microwave, no dairy.
A blue bedroom... oh my love. Upon asking about painting Landlord said, "Well, we don't allow painting but we can't really stop you and it's not like we would know anyway... but if you wanted to paint it would be best if you ran it by us first...?" I sort of got the impression he was actually saying, "I can't tell you that you can paint because then I would have to tell everyone they can paint but go ahead anyway." Blue bedroom, I'm thinking of doing the dinning/yoga area GOLD. That's right, I said GOLD. Straight up. Sunny, bright, shiny GOLD. Maybe a sage green in the kitchen; leave the sunny area white and gold or blue trim, gold trim in the bathroom to match the Starry Night shower curtain.
I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT DECORATING!!! I love decorating, cleaning, organizing... OH OH OH!
Get the bicycle out of my house bO!
There are things I need tough:
Pots and pans (I really only want cast iron)
dishes (of which I would like to make myself, or find hand made dishes)
eating utensils
cooking utensils
knives (none of those cheap $10 knife sets either. 3/4 really GOOD knives)
blender would be nice
toaster oven
trash cans
B/W stripey & other fabric for curtains (window and door)
household cleaners (clean, natural cleaners)
That's all I can think of for now... But I'm sure the list will go on since I have such refined taste (aka I'm stuck up about my decor).
Get the bicycle out of my house bO!
I'm working 7 days a week now at the studio and getting at least 2 massages a day. I predict $600 this week, by the end of the day that is. Nice. Maybe I won't have to tighten my belt as much as I anticipated. Either way, priorities. I'm hoping to hear back from the chocolate people too about a part time gig during the day. Can you say "work-a-holic"? I don't think it's looking too hot though.
Things between bO and I are well. He seems to be doing much to keep me happy and I'm taking the space I need; as in I'm not putting in a whole lot of my own effort or personal time and allowing him to come to me. It's nice. I'm definitely getting laid a WHOLE lot more, I'm not as annoyed and pissy with him and (I think) he seems to be appreciating me more? Maybe it's just wishful thinking but I must say, there's nothing like coming home to a SURPRISE! I left pie in your fridge for you while you were at work! If there's one thing I'm a sucker for, it's little gifts like that (and flowers on my Pugeot) that really turn me to mush. I'm a sucker... The way I see it, so long as I'm not seriously investing myself nor wearing my expectation goggles I'll be ok. "Play your cards little lady, you've got a rockin' hand".
I've also got the confirmation that Roth is coming to SLO!!! I'm so excited! Not until the fall but he bought a van, Constance, and is going to drive out here and love on me! I can't wait to see my buddy, I do miss him. Maybe he'll bring Barbie, tee hee hee!
That means I've got my Mother and Sisters this summer, I think Dave said he was going to be out here this spring and then Roth come the fall. Oh I'm so happy!
Funny thing is, now that's I'm gone, it's as if I've weened the "not friends" out of my life and have a more solid base of real friends. Most of them are here in SLO but even the ones back home. I still talk to Crystal (just about every day) and Melanie once a week if not a few times a week. I would like to talk to Melissa more, Brian but he's a fucking drunk and Roth but he's got his own little world (that I understand so it works out pretty well actually).
I'm sitting here typing, finished breakfast HOURS ago and have many things to do before the circus meeting at The Establishment... thanks for listening livejournal!
LOVE |
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| Still recovering |
[Feb. 26th, 2009|09:27 am] |
| [ | From~ |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| |  thankful | ] |
| [ | Tunes~ |
| | this american life | ] |
Post Grandfather telephone heart attack time!
He's old, he's "dying" but so am I and so is everyone else. If everyone concerned themselves with the "what if" all the time we'd never leave the house; and even then a comet could fall from the sky and crush the house so maybe we shouldn't stay there either.
Would it be eassier if I weren't 3000 miles away? Should it make a differnece?
He's going to sign it though, thank goodness.
After having my heart broken, having a heart attack, being angry, yelling, crying, rationalizing, then persueding I think the pressure finally got to him. I understand his his thought process but just because it's understandable it doesn't make it logical.
You've got to start somewhere, I want to start on Morro St in San Luis Obispo. Thanks Grandpa, I hope I didn't hasten your departure from this world with a little more stress because my goodness I just want to make you proud. Goodness know that's not what you're son's are doing, let me make it up to you. |
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| Not fucking "ok" |
[Feb. 21st, 2009|01:39 am] |
| [ | From~ |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| |  infuriated | ] |
This is that love/hate thing.... right here.... right now.
I hate using foul language. |
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| Oh.... no.... |
[Feb. 20th, 2009|10:30 am] |
| [ | From~ |
| | bO's | ] |
| [ | Feeling~ |
| |  sad | ] |
Things aren't going as well as I had hoped with money for the new place. I still feel fairly confident but I'm starting to feel the pressure of the week I have left weigh on me.
I'm thinking of selling my violin.
:( |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2009|10:29 am] |
All of a sudden it seems as though I've stumbled upon what can only be described as friendship.
I truly valued what few friends and honest friendship I've scalvaged from the tropical humidity of Florida but since being in SLO it's almost as if all the fairy tales and bed time stories of "what makes a true, caring, selfless friend" have all managed to come true.
While I'm still trying to find my place here in San Luis, adjusting and coming to gain a firmer grasp on what I can call mine and what makes me who I am, my friends are here for me. This is an entirely new experience. Being excepted without condition and being heard with a sincere ear. When asked how I'm doing, I don't feel the need to hide behind "Fine thank you, and yourself?"; they are truely asking me, "How are YOU doing?". Now that I truely need a friendly hand, now that I truely need a little support... it's being offered 100% without
exception.
In SRQ when one is plauged with an issue I found it best to always keep these feeling to myself, because sharing them would simply cause drama in the social circle because no one's feelings were more important than their own. You would talk and the person you where talking to is not listening, they are replaying the same thought over and over until it is there turn to change the subject back to themselves. I've always worked things out on my own, I've always struggled and found strength within. Is this now my time to find strength in numbers? Utilize the new, fantastic friends I have? I think so.... I've always thought I had so much to offer as a person, and now as a friend, a really real firned, let's see how this fairy tale unfolds.
I'm so excited! |
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